A Mother’s Love

Mom and me...back in the day

Sometimes I really believe my mom thinks I am still her little girl. I know it breaks her heart that I have chosen to live across the United States from her.  She will tell me, “you have to live your life!”  But I know she would prefer my life to be in Arizona not New York. My mother was a young pup when she had me, just barely 23 years old. So we have somewhat grown up together through the years. But she never let me forget who is boss. Nowadays, the disciplinarian is somewhat gone… but don’t think she doesn’t scold me when she doesn’t approve of something I have done (let’s be honest… she doesn’t need to know everything!)

Now when I call her in tears, her hug isn’t there to mend my broken heart or soothe the pain. Instead, she offers advice that usually makes me even more annoyed because all I need is to hear her voice to make me feel better. Except when her voice is telling me… “You can’t always get what you want,” which sometimes comes out in a song.  That’s when I get even more annoyed.

My favorite is when I tell her I went out last night and I can just see her shaking her head as she tells me “Katrina Ann, you should know better!” She has given up on asking me about my dating life. Smart move!! And while, unlike my friends who talk to their mothers once maybe twice a week, I talk, text or email mine at least a dozen times a day.

What can I tell you, I love the woman! She may drive me crazy, nag  me, scold me and sometimes forget that my umbilical cord was cut 31 years ago but she is my mom and in my opinion one of the best around. So on this Mother’s Day weekend… let me leave you with some of Melody’s favorite sentences to her daughter.

*I love you
*Did you make your bed?
*You can’t always get what you want
*Katrina Ann, you should know better!
*I love you
*Did you call your Grandma?
*Are you dressing warm enough?
*When are you coming home?
*I love you
*You need to take better care of yourself
*How’s (insert name of one of my friends!)
*I love you
*Don’t give up
*I miss you
*****You are the BEST daughter EVER!!****

Ok, maybe not the last one… but I know she thinks it!

Photobucket

A Mom’s Guide to Dating After Divorce

According to statistics, 1,000 people get divorced every day in the United States ALONE…WOW! That means fewer than 50% of first marriages end in divorce.  Now most of you out there reading this who might be married will probably gasp a little, and I do not blame you.  But those of you who are divorced might be doing a little happy dance right now at the thought of all those possible divorcees out there for the taking. But first, be forewarned, my friends. If you are recently divorced, or have been divorced for a long time, whether you are old or young/have kids or do not, entering the dating world can be a very exciting time in your life.   It also presents itself with some challenges that you should really think about before making the decision to jump back in and get into the dating driver’s seat.  You are going to feel scared, and at times, intimidated. But never let that hold you back in finding and meeting other people because, in turn, you will find out more about yourself along the way.  If you let it, it can be one of the most rewarding things that can happen to you.

Dating after divorce can be very overwhelming, but over the past five years, I have developed my own “Method to the Madness” for dating after a divorce. Here are some tips that have helped me in the dating scene, and some tips that have basically helped me in ALL of my relationships as well:

1.         WHO AM I AND WHAT AM I DOING?  –  Make sure you can answer these questions.  If you cannot, then you should not be dating anyone until you can.  DO NOT PASS GO and DO NOT COLLECT $200.   I cannot stress this enough to all of you.  Being able to re-establish your identity is PARAMOUNT to the success of any relationship you have or want to have down the road.  Whether you want to admit it or not, you lose yourself sometimes when you are in a marriage, and you need to take advantage of this time alone.  You need to take the time to re-discover who you are and what you like.   You need to make sure you are ready to move forward and know what you are looking for in a mate.  You never get a second chance on life, but sometimes, we do get a second chance on dating. TAKE FULL ADVANTAGE OF IT!

2.                  BE ACCEPTING BUT DO NOT SETTLE –   This one is very important.  Never let possible post-divorce loneliness, sadness or insecurity make you lower your standards when you start dating again.  Everyone deserves and has a right to be happy in life.  Be respectful of what it is that you want, and be proud of who you are and what you can offer a person.  This is one of the most challenging but rewarding tasks you can achieve.  Believe in yourself and others will follow. 

3.                  DON’T DISH THE DIRT AND TRY AND LET GO OF THE PAST – It is important to not discuss your ex on your dates.  It is within reason to discuss your divorce, but you do not need to become the Daily Gazette with all the dirty details on your date. This tip is extremely important, especially if you were recently divorced or it was a messy or sticky situation.   I am not going to lie and say you will not be tempted to talk about the details on what went wrong, or who did what to whom and how and when, etc.  It is important that you try to resist the temptation and focus on the person across the table from you instead.

4.         PROCEED WITH CAUTION!!!!   IF YOU HAVE CHILDREN, TAKE YOUR TIME AND INTRODUCE THEM TO YOUR PARTNER SLOWLY!  –  I find this tip invaluable in every possible way.  My son adores my boyfriend, but we waited and took our time before we introduced him.  You need to be able to identify your relationship and what you are as a couple FIRST before you bring your children into the picture.  It can be an incredibly stressful situation for all involved, and timing is everything when bringing your children into your new relationship.   Make sure you give your children enough time to be able to adjust to the new changes on their own.  Do not ever force your child to accept the relationship, but also do not let your child call the shots on who you do or do not date.  It is important to have a healthy balance in this situation.

5.         TAKE YOUR TIME, STAY POSITIVE AND ABOVE ALL, ENJOY YOURSELF –   We all know that divorce can leave you with baggage, and we have to stay positive and believe that someone out there has that “matching set of baggage” just for us to make a complete luggage set.  It is very important to take your time and have fun with it.  This is a time of re-discovery for you in so many areas of your life, and it would only benefit you to live life to the fullest and be confident in what you can bring to a relationship. 

6.         IF ALL ELSE FAILS, THERE IS ALWAYS WINE AND CHOCOLATE –  Of all the tips out there, this is the MOST IMPORTANT AND VALUABLE ONE!!!  Well, not really — but I have benefited from this one a time or two myself.

Photobucket

Looking for Love in Unusual Places

     As single ladies this day and age… we look for any sort of clue or sign that love is coming our way soon. Well, at least my friends and I do. So while in Las Vegas for a girls weekend… my jaded single New York friend and I took our search to a “higher” level…a psychic!  We called our hotel concierge to see if they could suggest a somewhat reputable psychic… they told us about someone way off the strip… which sounded like too much work for us. We then casually blew off the idea and decided to continue on our search for love on our own. However, the higher powers had another plan for us. We went into O’Shea’s which,  if you don’t know,  is a cheap sort of college way to gamble in Las Vegas… and low and behold… there was an in-house psychic. It was a clear sign… or a coincidence… but I am going with a sign!

psychic

     We each sat down, dropped $40 bucks and were ready to find out when/if we are going to find love!!   Kileen (our psychic) sat us down… we meditated and then she started flipping her cards. Kileen had an accurate reading about me. She told me I was hurt in the past and I was still getting over a bad relationship… blah, blah, blah. Yes, somewhat true. I did have a bad relationship in the past,  but I think I pretty much over it. I mean do I hold grudges… yes, but what girl who was burned by a boy in the past doesn’t hold him in a negative light??

     I starting to think my psychic reading was more like a therapy session… shouldn’t I be at least laying down on a couch or something. Every time I tried to throw out a question she continued to ramble on about finding the true me and being more self-confident. Good point.  I will definitely work on it but tell me if my Mr. Right,  father of my future adorable children is out there!! Long story short… my fifteen minutes of psychic fame were over and I had zero answers about my future! Was this a sign I am meant to be alone… FOREVER?!

     As Kileen tried to politely kick me out of her beaded tent I asked the questions I needed to know.  Is he out there for me and will I have kids???  Her answer: Yes and you’ll have two kids. That was it. Whatever, I will take it. My silly girl brain needed that reassurance (even if it was forced and very brief) that maybe happily ever after is out there and waiting for me. I guess time will only tell!

Photobucket

Eureka! I Finally found the Perfect Face Cream.

In the era of Botox, Collagen injections and Latisse (ok, I am guilty on that one) staying young and fresh faced seems like a priority to a lot of us.  Especially those like me… SINGLE!   I know your future mate is supposed to love what is inside but he’s not going to chat me up if I have droopy eyelids and wrinkly skin. That’s just a fact.  It doesn’t matter how witty, sweet and kind I am….not gonna happen!  BridgetSo I decided to add a youth inducing face cream to my nighttime batting lineup! Go Team! After a little research or maybe it was because I liked the commercials… I mean Bridget Moynahan looks pretty fantastic…. I started using Garnier Nutritioniste.  Wowzer,  this stuff is good!

     I feel my skin looks healthier and– this is huge– for my sensitive skin… I have had zero reaction. No breakouts, skin irritation. Nothing! Not to mention, it doesn’t hurt that my harshest critic in my office told me my skin looks really good!   I almost fell over. This is the lady who asks me at least once a week if I am sick. Code for, “you look like crap.”   Fantastic!!   So,  Garnier Nutritioniste is here to stay! Not only does it do what it claims to do but it is pretty inexpensive. Score!

Garnier

Thicker, longer lashes… Check. Better skin… check! We’ll tackle hair and thinner thighs in the future but,  watch out boys… I am coming 😉

Disclaimer: obviously I am not changing myself for men. But it doesn’t help to feel better about yourself. Or as my Mom says… take pride in yourself. Thanks  Mom!  I guess mom does know best.

How about you, got a face cream you swear by?  Are you a botox fan, or do you simply stay out of the sun and slather on the sunscreen?  I’d love to hear your secrets for staying young and beautiful, after all…we’re all in this together!

Photobucket

Mate-less in Massachusetts?

Dear Mom,

I’m 37 and single, but dating a great guy.  We’ve been dating for 5 months and he’s terrific with kids.  We have an amazing relationship.  The other day–seemingly out of nowhere–he broke up with me saying marriage and kids just weren’t something that interested him and he thought it was unfair to stay with me, knowing it’s something I want.  I’m crushed.  What should I do?

Signed,

Mate-less in Massachusetts

 Break up

Dear Mate-less in Massachusetts,

You’ve had plenty of time to think about what you want in life.  If you know your life will not be complete without kids in the picture, then you need to be honest with your boyfriend.  But I have to wonder if something else isn’t going on here?  You say this was out of nowhere.  Most of the time, when it comes to things like marriage and children, people make no secrets about their desires.  It seems odd that your boyfriend just one day decided it wasn’t fair to stay with you because you wanted a family and he didn’t.  Had he led you to believe otherwise before?  I’d have a heart to heart with him and see if something else isn’t going on.  Keep us posted and let us know how it works out!

Adventures in Finding the Perfect Lash

Without a doubt every single lady who has graced the cover of any fashion magazine or celebrity rag has them. They are long, shiny and make her eyes pop! Yes, I am talking about eyelashes! Lashes that would make most guys swoon.

Lash perfection!

Lash perfection!

While these cover girls probably have the assistance of fake eyelashes… I am not hating. I absolutely love getting all dolled up and stopping by my favorite MAC counter for a pair of falsies. But practical for the office or day to day… No! I think my boss would send me home if I strolled into the office rocking them. So I went on a mission to get those eyelashes I have always wanted with a little help from our friends in the pharmaceutical world. The golden ticket… Latisse! I was so excited,  I tossed on my Indiana Jones fedora… strapped on my Louboutin like Carrie Bradshaw (who am I kidding,  those cost more than my rent!) I put on some classy black heels and I was out. My first idea was to check locally… Canal Street?! Too shady. Local makeup shops… Nope. I then moved to the World Wide Web. There are several spas in the NYC area that offer it… but of course after you pay the $100 consultation fee. No thanks. I filled out an online application three times at one place. No call back. Called a friend of a friend’s shop, got a mean lady on the phone. She probably already has beautiful eyelashes and thinks I am a wanna be. Noooo dinero for her! How could Latisse be rejecting me and we haven’t even met yet?

Magical Beauty Serum

Magical Beauty Serum

  This was proving more difficult then dating! Then it hit me. Call my local pharmacy! Sure enough, they had it, but I needed a prescription from my doctor. Uh oh, he already thinks I am a nut. I seriously call the man for everything and always go to his office with my own diagnosis from Web MD.  Once again, he pulled through for me (I love you Dr. Barnes!) I eagerly dashed to pick up my magical beauty serum.  Latisse and I have now been together for less than a week, nothing yet. I do run and look in every mirror I see…much to the horror of my friends. But hey, I am looking for results. I need to have those long, beautiful eyelashes to wink at the single male population! In the dating world of Manhattan, you need every advantage you can get. Bat, bat, bat!

Are you  a Latisse or RevitaLash fan? Did you have side effects…red, itchy eyes, change in pigment color?  Or, do you think it’s too expensive and not worth the potential risks?  Share your experiences with me in the comment section below.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Photobucket