When I tell people I am a 6 year tourist of New York… I usually get this… “Oh, I love New York!” Yes, New York is grand. We’ve got the Yankees, Broadway, great restaurants, culture, cool people and Central Park. NYC is the Financial and Fashion Capital of the world (now I don’t know if that is official but we’ll go with the flow!) The Big Apple has taken center stage in many songs thanks to Ol’ blue eyes Frank Sinatra and Jay Z just to name a few. So, most people think pretty highly of Manhattan.
Now it is time for me to share with you some dirt. As a New Yorker, it isn’t all roses. Let’s chat first about learning to walk. I am not talking about our first steps as a babe but as a working New Yorker. We know where we are going and we need to get there 5 minutes ago. Insert tourists. We love them. They bring our city lots and lots of money. However, they don’t know how to walk! It may seem like the middle of the sidewalk is the perfect place to snap a picture or look at your awesome city map. It’s Not! You will get mowed down by some angry dude who will most likely yell an obscenity at you. When it rains, forget about it. Total and complete sidewalk rage… How you liking us now?
Moving on to the subways… As an angry New Yorker, we don’t think we should have to wait for the next subway. We will shove our way in. That means your hands are usually smashed into someone’s rear end. Now there is a law against unwanted sexual touching while riding the subways. I am seriously afraid my accidental groping will get me in trouble one day. Seriously, half of the arses I am grazing… I would never in a million years want to touch! Manhattanites also feel they are entitled to a seat on the subway. Wrong! Not all bottoms can fit on the size 6 seat, just sayin’. Half a cheek on my lap is not cool. On a final subway note, the pole in the center of the cars is for your safety…please hold it and do NOT dance on it. Your fellow passengers thank you!
Now, this final tidbit of information is not for the viewing eyes of children. You have been w arned. New York City living is a lot of people stacked in apartments with sometimes very thin walls. Do you get where I am going with this. Sex! Come on now!! My bedroom faces a courtyard which I share with a lot of other apartments. Sometimes people sleep with the windows open and sometimes those people have adult relations. However, I have one lady (I don’t know who she is nor do I want to know) and she is ridiculously loud. I mean unnecessarily loud. I have come thisclose to yelling out my window, ” he’s not that good!” It is beyond ridiculous over there. To make matters worse, I can hear my upstairs neighbors bed rocking late a night. I should own stock in ear plugs.
So while I love my city and all the excitement, I have wanted, at times, to–like Frank– start spreading the news about some of the things that don’t always make it in the movies. If I can make it here, then I can make it anywhere… New York, New York!